Sukie Baxter explains co-regulation.
We evolve(d) by helping each other
Some gifts from our long long evolution…
We alarm together. We calm together.
Our nervous systems are responding, all the time, to the nervous systems of others. This mechanism helped us evolve but it’s just as strong in us today. If someone in our group picks up a danger, they’ll be triggered, and we’ll all be triggered.
Built on top of this ancient alarm system is our ability to show different qualities when we feel safe. Then we can be welcoming, empathic, curious, playful, relaxed and calm. We find new solutions to our problems. We do our best thinking and feeling. Life is enjoyable.
We don’t get there on our own. From our earliest days we needed others to communicate their calm state to us. Our nervous system learns to re-find calm from others.
The more stressed we are, the less we think.
When we’re up against it our nervous system switches to survival mode. The fast reaction speeds of the ancient part of our nervous system take control. Until we feel safe again we can’t think flexibly and creatively.
In order to overcome trauma people need to feel safe enough to open up their hearts and minds to others and become engaged with new possibilities. This can only be done if they are helped to feel safe again.
- Bessel van der Kolk
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